Hello Dearie

The reason I am back writing to you so quick is that I don't have anything better to do
As usual we are back to the same sickening routine.  Sleep all day long and then stay up the entire night through.  It sickens me. I want a normal life where you go to work at 9 in the morning and come back at 5 in the evening.  The meagre 3 months of such bliss I had but then Allah had something else planned for us. I don't worry for the food or the life because I believe Allah will provide for as long as it is written for me but I want the rest as well. And I am sick and tired of having this discussion with you because either you get angry in the end or get depressed and it all becomes even more hard for me to cope with.
This ia onw of the reasons I wanted to go for this international MS somewhere but imagine our luck. . Ielts. .. toefl... certification. . Bank statements. .. it all needs money. The kind that I don't have.. thus even education becomes a privilege only the rich can endure.
Forget about the world tours. I am so out of ny fantasy world now. There is no magic here. You and me are getting old. We have no children to our claim. I pray that Allah blesses us but then by the time I am as old as being 50.. my kids would hardly be leaving their teens. Thus any dreams of seeing them prosper before old age are long lost...
But I believe Allah has something meaningful in store for us.. but then this is true too that the major portion of my lofe that should have been used to make a difference is long gone. I know I should have listened to my mother.  Poor her and my father... poor them.  How I made life a test for them and I knoq why they left so early. Allah saved them from any morw pain I would inflict upon them...
I need them. I need Allah to make things rigbt for us both. I need ua to bw doing something that shows progress that shows a lot of good money. I pray those 2 brothers burn in a never ending hell fire for ruining our lives our dreams.
I think no matter how hard I push this depression is yet again to engulf me. .. pray. Pray. Pray!!!!