دسمبر کی ایک ادآس شام۔۔۔

Sometimes this entire life that I lived in the past seems like a dream, as if it is all unreal and it never really happened... And then I suddenly realize how late it has got... How it all has just slipped out of my hands like sand?! Where did all those people go? Where did I go? What have I become? What have you done to what and who I used to be? How my heart has just gone black... I spend what I earn just so I can feel empty again.. as if this is not what I want.. how I know our kids have also become a fantasy, something that I would later imagine with an Aladdin lamp.. because you couldn't do anything, because you were far. And I would forever be blamed. Forever. 

How many lies I tell every day just so that they can all respect you and fear you and be impressed... And how I suck inside... I have no dreams left. Just day by day... I slip away... And then I will be gone and you will sit by my grave and cry and say you are sorry because you tested me and didn't give me anything.. but what do I do with the tears? 

What does everyone else do?! I am angry and sad and anxious and depressed and weird and upset and alone and desperate.

I am.

Nothing.

No one.