Hmmm

Excuse me miss, do you have any advice for me?

Me? Why would you want advice from me? Nobody ever does.

I do.

Why?

Because who else can tell me what to do better than someone who has nothing but regrets? 

Okay. So what do you want to know?

Should I stay or should I go?

What will you regret more?

I don't know. 

Then you should stay, until you know.

Or should you go until you're sure?

Either way will do, I suppose. Either way you lose a little bit. 

What do you lose?

Something. It depends on how much there is to lose. Do you play cards?

Sometimes. 

Then think of it this way. When the cards are dealt, you have a choice. You can fold, or you can play. And as the game progresses, you still have the choice, you can fold or you can play. If you fold now, you go home with some of the money and some of your pride. If you keep playing, you stand to win everything you've ever wanted, but you stand to lose more than you can afford to lose. You stand to lose your soul. 

You didn't answer the question. Should I stay or should I go?

It's not mine to answer.

Who can, then?

:)

When my Love for You collides with my Hate for You...

I have so many complains and so manyyyyyy things to say to you but I think I have lost that 'thing' in me that ran to you for everything, and sadly, slowly.. I am losing it even more, day by day (if that was even possible).

I am too close to you, I love you, you are my best friend but sometimes there's this little serpant inside me that raises to strike you, in the split of a second. It's so much hate inside.. that I want to push you away and then run far far FAR away from you. And on the very next second, I want to hold you and love you and I feel so guilty..

I want to run away and never look back but I know I will die without you, as if someone would shut the air supply on me. I will suffocate without you because I just DON'T KNOW how to be without you.

You have your priorities and I know I am too far below on the list but sometimes I just need you for ME and I know if I said a word, all you'd do is look away in another direction.

I feel sick.. I feel terribly sick of what we have become. This is not where and how I wanted us to be. This is not how I wanted YOU to be. But this is EXACTLY how you truly are. I should have known, I so should have known. Though I would still have loved you just like I love you now, but at least I should have 'known'.

I feel like as if I do everything and even then I am standing in the middle of nowhere. I have never expected anything from anyone but a little consideration. From all of them, from someone, from YOU.

But it's as if at times you don't even see me.. 'see'.

You know what?! I don't even want to write anyone. I cannot. I don't read. I don't do anything that will show signs of who I used to be. I just walk through, like a zombie. And I am okay.

I don't feel sad or upset even because now I expect everything. Earlier, I would react like mad, because I never expected from you. Now I do and I am okay now. I am happy.

I love you.