Just like the colors in this picture, I am myself such a confused kaleidoscope of my being, of my existence, of all that I am and all that I am not. I was just listening to songs and writing a report for the current month and I just realized of the very confused state I am in always.. Just the list of songs that I listen to; from heavy Qawwalis to silly Honey Singh rap to Eminem to Guns n Roses.. I am forever confused.

Sometimes I am this bubbly, happy go lucky kinda girl who loves people, loves talking, loves imitating people and loves life. And then I am this sulky, boring quiet girl who likes to be by herself, read a book and not talk to anyone, not meet anyone and not having to get out of your bed even, who hates life and everything that it has to offer. And then I am that depressed emo girl who would want to cut herself, bleed and burn, curse everything around her, with so much hate and despair inside her, its poisonous. And THEN I am this very sober and composed girl who is all about manners and cleanliness and dedication, who never abuses, does not even know the meanings of, and is very intellectual.

I have the world's weakest Urdu and yet I listen to Faiz and Jaun Elia and God knows what not and not just read but fully and deeply understand it all. I read fiction and then I read history. How confusing would that get,

I love watching fiction and fantasy movies like vampires and fairies and stardust and magic and then I watch war movies and documentaries and those made on how governments make a fool out of each of us.

At times, I am so confused, I don't know how to react to even a normal query brought up to me, I would like to believe that I am not an angry person, I don't get angry and then there are times I am so angry that I can just not get over it.


Kabhi Chaahat Urran Ki Kabhi Zameen Pe Beth Gaya.
Ajeeb Aadmi Hoon Onchai Tu Kabhi Gehrai Chaahta Hoon.