I have so many complains and so manyyyyyy things to say to you but I think I have lost that 'thing' in me that ran to you for everything, and sadly, slowly.. I am losing it even more, day by day (if that was even possible).
I am too close to you, I love you, you are my best friend but sometimes there's this little serpant inside me that raises to strike you, in the split of a second. It's so much hate inside.. that I want to push you away and then run far far FAR away from you. And on the very next second, I want to hold you and love you and I feel so guilty..
I want to run away and never look back but I know I will die without you, as if someone would shut the air supply on me. I will suffocate without you because I just DON'T KNOW how to be without you.
You have your priorities and I know I am too far below on the list but sometimes I just need you for ME and I know if I said a word, all you'd do is look away in another direction.
I feel sick.. I feel terribly sick of what we have become. This is not where and how I wanted us to be. This is not how I wanted YOU to be. But this is EXACTLY how you truly are. I should have known, I so should have known. Though I would still have loved you just like I love you now, but at least I should have 'known'.
I feel like as if I do everything and even then I am standing in the middle of nowhere. I have never expected anything from anyone but a little consideration. From all of them, from someone, from YOU.
But it's as if at times you don't even see me.. 'see'.
You know what?! I don't even want to write anyone. I cannot. I don't read. I don't do anything that will show signs of who I used to be. I just walk through, like a zombie. And I am okay.
I don't feel sad or upset even because now I expect everything. Earlier, I would react like mad, because I never expected from you. Now I do and I am okay now. I am happy.
I love you.
I am too close to you, I love you, you are my best friend but sometimes there's this little serpant inside me that raises to strike you, in the split of a second. It's so much hate inside.. that I want to push you away and then run far far FAR away from you. And on the very next second, I want to hold you and love you and I feel so guilty..
I want to run away and never look back but I know I will die without you, as if someone would shut the air supply on me. I will suffocate without you because I just DON'T KNOW how to be without you.
You have your priorities and I know I am too far below on the list but sometimes I just need you for ME and I know if I said a word, all you'd do is look away in another direction.
I feel sick.. I feel terribly sick of what we have become. This is not where and how I wanted us to be. This is not how I wanted YOU to be. But this is EXACTLY how you truly are. I should have known, I so should have known. Though I would still have loved you just like I love you now, but at least I should have 'known'.
I feel like as if I do everything and even then I am standing in the middle of nowhere. I have never expected anything from anyone but a little consideration. From all of them, from someone, from YOU.
But it's as if at times you don't even see me.. 'see'.
You know what?! I don't even want to write anyone. I cannot. I don't read. I don't do anything that will show signs of who I used to be. I just walk through, like a zombie. And I am okay.
I don't feel sad or upset even because now I expect everything. Earlier, I would react like mad, because I never expected from you. Now I do and I am okay now. I am happy.
I love you.
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