Random Rant # 1.

I am sad, very very sad.. very very disappointed with the way life has turned into something I have no understanding of, whatsoever. I don't know where to begin correcting things in and around me. I want to look desirable to my husband so no other woman wins his attention but I have failed to do so over and over and over again. Everyday his mentioning of some else shatters a piece of me which makes its place forever into the oblivion, never to return again.
I wish I was loved and appreciated by everyone around me, be it at home or in and outside our family. But somehow I think I am expecting the acceptance a hundred percent and perfection is only in Allah. I am just but a fickle in this big big world. I just so passionately want to make everyone happy, more than happy but then again I have proved to be such a huge failure, it kills me.
My husband is my foremost priority but by the time I get to him, I am so exhausted making things perfect around and about him that now I have left him in disappointments!
I wish I could make it all perfect for him. Why couldn't I be one of such girls who have it all. He deserves someone beautiful, elegant, smart, rich, and everything picture perfect... something which I am not! :(
I am sorry...