And There Will Be Blood..

What you are about to read is a rant. No, it is more than that. It is a harangue disguised as diatribe pretending to be an exhortation. What is relevant though, and should service as a disclaimer, is that I’m pissed off and it is likely that what follows is not going to make any sense (to you).

War. What is good for? Making huge amounts of money for a selected bunch of bastards. But you can’t amass a growing fortune with a war that has an end. You need something that goes on forever. Precisely like the War on Terror (WOT). WOT is perfect. It can be fought in any country, any time because it is a franchise. It is the McDonalds of wars (or more appropriately the McDonald Douglas of wars). If you don’t have an enemy, no worries, you make one up. Or you can plan ahead. You sponsor, nurture, suckle a small group of lunatics and let them fester like a boil on the backside of humanity. When the pustule seems ready to burst, you just prick it by bombing the crap out of some innocent civilians. And there you have it, you got yourself some evil-doers ready to be thwarted. For the sake of publicity, classify your enemy as ‘the terrorists’ because it’s got a nice ring to it.

In order to ensure that WOT is successful (meaning everlasting), you have to be very precise in attacking selected, primary targets. You have to make sure that you don’t kill any of your enemies accidently. Because if you do, your enemies will diminish in number and your war might actually come to an end, eventually. So the best approach is to pick a fight, bomb some innocent civilians, arrest anyone who protests, and rendition those who have absolutely nothing to do with terrorism. And when you have completely messed up the country, open up a franchise in another country. It is that simple!

Don’t worry if you run short of enemies (terrorists). Just make some up. Again, all you have to do is kill a few innocent civilians, blame some anti-government religious fanatic group and voila! you have your terrorists. Like the WOT, it is best to create an enemy that can be franchised from the start. Give them a name like Al Quackduh or some other, similar sounding name. And then when you franchise your war to another country, the terrorists will be already in your WOT kit.

Obviously, you can’t fight the WOT alone. You need some allies (pronounced all LIES). Now these allies are not part of your franchise tool kit but they can be your partner in the WOT, by using a small amount of coercion and an unreasonable amount of cash. And if you feel that the allies are not helping much with the WOT, you can blame them for not doing enough and attack their countries instead. What fun, eh?

Now, there’s bound to be complaints world wide about the WOT. But don’t bother too much about that because eventually all those who are complaining will either be bombed, imprisoned or tortured under the label of WOT. Yes, it is true, WOT will spread like a warm blanket all across the globe. Well, that’s the main aim anyway. For those who aren’t complaining, there will be many rich rewards in store for them. They’ll be endless episodes of American Idol, sick reality tv shows and free concert tickets to see Britney Spears Live at the Rehab center.

Rest assured, that the WOT will go on….and you will be able to catch it live on CNN and BBC News.

F*** it!